Little that they know that sorrow,loneliness and depression can inspire literatures that nothing else could.

Little that they know that social media can never replace real human interaction.

It has been almost 5 months since I met my good friends.
It has been months since I setup my workstation at home and changed my routine almost 360 degrees.

Well motherhood changes me to someone that I never thought I could.

I had little patient. But now I am surprised how far I can be pushed to the edge but still hasnt fall.

My body has special power. My daughter can fall asleep just by putting her hands on my saggy belly. My son feels safe just by my scent in the same room even if we are not touching.

People knew me as someone who can be spontaneous and unpredictable.

I work best in changing environment. Being outside thrills me. Hence, I am surprised that I can stay at home for more then 5 days a week without a single step out the door.

God I would love to have human interaction without using social media platform. But its not going to be easy when you have become one of those anti-social mothers who get anxious when talking to strangers.

what have i become???

i have become like one of the housewives who will not stop talking to the husband once he steps into the door.

I have become someone who envies the husband when he seems to be freely enjoying his whereabouts. Having lunch in silent. Shopping with ultimate focus on himself.

And yes! He could talk to his friends and actually have converSations with human being!

Loneliness can eat you inside out.

I have yet to learn how to make it not as bad as it could.






The Pain of Making Mistakes

27th April 2015 was the day that we have officially embarked into the unknown world of food business.

I was a teacher.

He was a retailer.

Together it didn’t make any sense why we wanted to take that leap of faith into the cruel world of F&B with little knowledge and experience.

We had that share of struggle.

We learned from scratch.

What are the practical purposes of those formulas we learned in our undergraduate schools ; the overhead cost of operation, profit and loss, marginal productivity, fixed cost vs variable cost, the Maslow Hierarchy etceteras.

This is our 8th months. We struggled, yes. We failed, yes. We came back home tired, with no energy to do much yet we have a toddler ( plus a newborn now) and a piling papers that needed our attention before going to sleep. Most of the time after 2 am.

Did I mentioned that when we first started, I was about 3 months pregnant with my second child? Yes. I was.

I mean, on the technical part, it was obvious that being a start-up, you have to be the person that work the hardest in the company.

That’s where we made mistakes. We underestimate the market. The pain of starting a business at this time of economy. The complexity of human resource management. The accounting and financial management. For me, I had no idea that dealing with raw materials suppliers can be very taxing and blood-boiling at the same time.

Both of us underestimated the challenges of managing talents and human capital management from an employer point of view.

Then we learned.thanks to supports and advices we’ve been compiling from parties that are much experience.

It was been told that our backgrounds thought us to preserver.

This is our 8th months and money is never the only important thing that pushed us to choose this road (not that we had much).

What we figured, mistakes are the only ways for us to learn. Its okay to fall and cry because of the pain that we made. Its not okay that we never tried.

SImon Sinek’s said

“People don’t buy what you do; they buy why you do it. And what you do simply proves what you believe” 

So why WHY we are doing this? Let me word it in a different entry because it deserve a longer post.

We believe in this. We just need to make sure that we deliver the message.

So here’s to November.

May we learn from our mistakes and make the best out of it.

Paddington House of Pancakes, Nu Sentral

Paddington House of Pancakes, Nu Sentral

A mother of two

Dear blog,

It has been 10 months since my last writing.

I am now a mother of two. A wife of a husband who we both agreed that we have been married for 30 years instead of almost 3 years (for good reasons). A passionate restauranteur together with my business partner, cum husband. A master student. A daughter and ultimately His servant.

Things has indeed changed since my last entry. One thing for sure, self-employment is something that actually happened. IT changed the way I see lots of things. It taught me about people. It brought me to reality checks. We cried. We laughed. We fought. We reward ourselves with a good movie after our children are asleep at night.

I am thankful for every hardship and ease since the last 10 months.

I am in need of a space to think. I refuse to let my days passed without meanings.

Hence, I write. So I will think. I will reflect. Again. After so long.

I have been trying to chase and do so many things but forgetting to see the results. Not just see but admire what you have accomplished.

I will try to do that starting from now.

Tonight, my 2 years old daughter called me to sit next to her and teach her alphabets. She told me she wants to be home with me tomorrow. I am on my 19th days of my confinement. Recovering phase for me is crucial and the upmost important thing at the moment so that in exchange, I can take care of my family especially daughter, son and husband.

The husband has been remarkable in putting up with my limited movements and stepping up for us both since my last weeks of pregnancy until now.

My 19 days old son is now responding to my call. He found his ways of communicating with me with his own language.

But something that really worth reflecting is the fact that my 2 years old accepts her baby brother whole heartedly and love him unconditionally. Don’t ask me how I know. Mothers do, I guess.

I am a mother, a wife, a daughter and a sister.

I am also a woman.

Despite wanting to do things I find myself solemnly whole in the arms of those who I call family.

And its the next feeding time for the baby.. to be continued.

The Do’s and Don’ts of being Self-Employed.


It has been officially a month since I left my joyful world as a kindie teacher in Bangsar.

My life has been changed dramatically ever since.

From being in rush almost every second of the day. Being rush because I practically disorganized. Trying to juggle between roles. Of being clueless and fail to anticipate upcoming to do list of the day.

Yes being in that environment is fun. Educating is fun. The fulfilment is remarkable. I saw 13 children grown under my nose for that short 8 months. Yes. They did. And I can’t help admitting that somehow someway I am responsible to who they are by the end of the school term.

Yet. Being employed, a mother to a toddler, a wife, a daughter can be handful and to mess the list more I decided to go back to school. Having a classroom to manage at a fix time of every weekdays without the benefits of leaves may not be the best option for me.

Of being sick for 3 times in 8 months. Of having a still breastfeeding toddler. I opt for that choice and today, I am thankfully and proudly confess that my employment term has changed.

Being self-employed is a self-learning process. I have to admit my sense of time management has always been off. My paper organizing skill has always been the worse since ever.


On the 1st of December, I took my first step of being self-employed, full time. I vowed to be ahead of time. Be in control of my schedule. And until today, 30 days after. I am nowhere close.

Laugh. Mock me if you must. I deserve that.

The isolation of being self-employed. You don’t have mentors who can be responsible to mistakes that you make. You have no idea of what you’re doing and you don’t have any last years annual reports to refer to.

Besides having partners who helped in your own startup, I learned a lot of many laws and arrangements that I am totally ignorant if not I was thrown into this situation.

A bad thing? Not necessarily.

However, I vowed to have a self-reflection at least every 30 days. Something I missed while I was being employed in previous places. A good practice. During my years as a fellow in Teach for Malaysia, we had that every few months. It taught me a lot. It calmed me down. Helped to see and gave myself a little bit of pat on my back. After all, you need to learn to appreciate yourself, so that you can be positively contagiously inspiring.

The Do’s. 

1. Start your days early.

My own verdict. Still in progress. Still not early enough. 

2. Set goals for the day.

It is very important to work backwards. I should have applied this since day one. Improving on this. My goal is to have my kitchen cleaned by the time I go to bed every night. 

3. Partition time of the day.

My weekdays day is for my startup. Evening is strictly for family. Midnight is for my studies.

4. Hangout with positive people. Only. But first, I need to be positive.

5. Reward yourself.

Can be a cup of nice coffee and some homemade oreo cheesecake at the end of the day. Finish a movie when everyone is asleep or just a few pages of a good novel before you sleep.

6. Say I love you.

*tongue in the cheek. Hik.

7. Pace yourself.

Don’t rush. Know yourself. But be true.

The Don’ts.

1. Being too ambitious.

Ukur baju di badan sendiri. Know your limits. Be real. Be feasible. 

2. Going to sleep feeling angry.

Bad for your heart. Bad for your aura. Not good. Very not good. 

3. Complaints too much.

Bad energy. Full stop. 

4. Letting yourself to be overwhelmed with emotions, workloads and guilt.


My list can be updated from time to time. I am sure everyone has their own that works better. This is my own self-reflection. Something that I am working on.  It has been 30 days. Only 30 days. They say new habits need to be repeatedly done at least 2 months.

(Source : http://jamesclear.com/new-habit).

Breath. Let’s don’t break the habit. No. Don’t turn back.


Start with the end of mind.

Happy New Year. May 2015 be better for us. Prayers for everyone. #pray4pantaitimur #pray4malaysia

14.12.12 ke 14.12.14

2 tahun.

Duhai suami.

Terima kasih atas realiti cinta.

Membuka mata merubah teropong ke alam nyata.

Terima kasih atas sebuah perkongsian.

Yang amat bererti ketika berdua, dan kini bertiga.

Terima kasih atas tiupan sang katalis inspirasi.

Masih segar semalam hari ini dan juga esok yang masih menanti kita.

Terima kasiha atas kepercayaan, tunjuk ajar dan melentur buluh yang telah keras.

Benarlah cinta itu menghidupkan, tetapi rumah tangga itu yang menyuburkan.

Jangan dilupa kenangan dari hari pertama.

Biar kita kongsikan bersama zuriat bila tiba masanya.

Biar alam maya jadi rekod. Biar Tuhan jadi saksi.

Suatu hari kita terbang di langit biru. Kau dan aku. Di sisi Dia yang menulis dalam luh mahfuz.

Ikhlas dari isteri mu yang kurang jelita tapi manis senyumanya.

Menyingkap tadbir, menjengah gerimis.



Hampir 4 bulan tiada sebarang coretan.

Sibuk dengan tadika, sibuk dengan tugasan pascasiswazah, sibuk dengan keluarga.


Anak dah 1 tahun 3 bulan.

Humaira dah pandai berjalan. Dah pandai makan. Dah pandai memilih bila makanan tak cukup garam.


Abang ziyad, abang susunya juga tak kurangnya.

Leka bila mewarna. Pandai backup adik ya. Makin bergaya. Makin ranggi. Makin petah berbahasa caranya.



Bulan depan, genap 2 tahun sebagai isteri.

Masih kenal mengenal.

Ya, 10 tahun kenal. 8 tahun sebagai kawan. Hampir 2 tahun sebagai teman sekatil, sebumbung.

Belum cukup.

Masih penuh kejutan. Berselisih faham itu biasa. Sedangkan lidah lagi tergigit katanya.


Tetapi yang pasti, semakin sayang.


Kalau ada yang kata ‘Yang… abang sayang ayg saamaa macam kali pertama kita jumpa dulu’… itu harus jaga2..


Bukan sepatutnya semakin lama kenal, semakin sayang?


Cukup dahulu.


Meniti hari. 3 days to new adventure.

Ucapan Syawal daripada kami anak-beranak

Salam Syawal.

Tahun kedua beraya sebagai isteri. Tahun pertama sebagai Ibu. Persiapan yang ala kadar. Kurang teruja mungkin kerana separuh Ramadhan yang keluar masuk hospital. Sebenarnya, saya hanya bersyukur yang masih berkesempatan bertemu dengan Syawal. Tak nak minta lebih.

Tahun ini beraya bersama mak dan abah. Suami bekerja sehingga raya ketiga. Raya keempat dan kelima kami berkesempatan meluangkan masa bersama keluarga sebelah saya di sebuah negara di utara Malaysia. Raya keenam baru berpeluang untuk beraya bersama keluarga mertua.

Tahun yang kurang lemang dan rendang. Kurang berjalan raya. Duit raya memang tak dapat dah. Dah tua!

Walau bagaimanapun, si kecik ni yang paling seronok. Pertama kali beraya kan? Mungkin dia masih belum memahami apa itu raya. Tapi yang pasti, dia yang paling excited bila dapat sampul duit raya. Bukan kerana ‘isinya’ tapi boleh gigit kertas yang warna-warni tu!

Aduhai anakku…!

Tahun ini bertiga

Tahun ini bertiga. Alhamdulillah.

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